i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
