i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
