u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
