I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
