yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
