Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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