READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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