he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
