He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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