youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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