Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
