i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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