you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize