woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
