i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
