So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
