Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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