I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize