This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
