Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
