Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
