I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
