and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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