I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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