areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
