you traded sex for a burrito?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
