i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
