Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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