either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
