Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
