theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
