My friends, they love my intelligence
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
