why didn't you poke me back
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
