We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize