Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
