don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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