Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm just crazy horny about you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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