I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
