Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
