How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
