his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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