Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
