So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
