I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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