We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
