Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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