Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
