I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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