What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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