Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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