hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
