For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
