saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
