She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
