I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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