Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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