doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
