Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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