kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
