I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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