It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
