What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
