so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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