Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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