you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
