dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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