THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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