if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
