You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
