I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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