I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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