True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
