let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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