Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
