Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
soo... how was my night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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