i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
