and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize