I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
