after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
