Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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