i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
