i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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