Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
