singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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