woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You have to summon your inner elephant
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
