I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
