the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
