I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
