he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
