fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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